Ok, so where was John? Right, we left him in his sea of self-loathing and indifference. That’s the place that he finds himself feeling the most comfortable, I suppose. And who could ever blame him? Is there anyone that can find a better place of mind for someone as bad as John? Because John is bad. He may seem like a misfortunate bloke at first sight, nut the truth is, John Doe is in essence one of the worst bastards the earth has ever seen.
Don’t get me wrong, he is not a bad human being. He’s got a good moral code and an education that makes him perfectly prepared for the life that’s coming after all of us. But John is bad, he’s bad to himself. If he could break in two, he would probably kill his alter ego, make him endure the most horrible kinds of torture, without even blinking. His soul has been lured to the dark side and it’s hard to say if he can ever return, if he can fight his way back into the light, whatever that means.
Now let me do some explaining on the matter in hand. You must agree with me that there is a need for explanation after a portrait such as the one I presented on John. First thing’s first, John has recently escaped from a very disturbing situation, the kind of shit that would throw a guy into despair. I am, of course, talking about a woman, because there’s obviously nothing that can wreck a guy’s soul worse than the wicked games of a twisted female being. The story itself is not that much, it was basically a “love at first sight” or something like that type of thing, for him of course, because for her it was anything but. Short story would be: met the girl, made a move, got rejected softly, grew apart, started reconnecting, got double-crossed and screwed over, didn’t learn his lesson, went for it once again, and once again got fooled and fell on the ground.
So, john is a perseverant type of guy. One might even say he’s stupid, and that particular one might even be closer to the truth than he thinks. Yes, John is stupid, and he knows that oh so well, but it doesn’t bother him, because he genuinely doesn’t give a fuck about what everyone thinks, and he doesn’t give a fuck about how smart or stupid he plays his life. He simply takes it one day at a time, never calculating his next mistake, but embracing each one with the warm and loving arms of indifference. You may say it’s not good for him, or for anyone else, but then he’d say he doesn’t give a single fuck about what you may say, and continue doing the same retarded mistakes over and over again, until he can’t do them anymore.
That’s what John is all about. Mistake after mistake, he loathes his life, too much to change it, and yet too little to end it. He considered putting a break to his pitiful existence, but he either realized he doesn’t have the courage, or he concluded that it just ain’t worth the trouble. That’s why he keeps breathing the same wrong air every day and doing the same stupid things, until the earth decides that it can’t hold him any longer, and then he will leave, but not by his own hand.