Saturday, 12 January 2013

John's withdrawal

            John Doe is an addict. He has so many little habits, some worse than the others, he can’t even think of going a day without. It’s not such a big deal if you think about it. We all have a thing or another that we assume we could never get along without, or simply don’t bother to. They become part of our every day life and it’s almost impossible to give up on the small things that create roots deep inside our daily routine.
            But it’s a bit different with John. He’s figured out a whole new meaning for addiction. He tends to do that quite often, creating personal interpretations to well known concepts. It’s just another way of enriching his personal reality, the one in which no one and nothing can interfere. For him an addiction is not a bad thing. It’s not like he couldn’t survive without this or that. But that’s the point. He could only survive. These addictions become a part of his life, a part of who he is, and he doesn’t want to give up on who he is. He wants to live, even if only inside his self-made reality and living means letting addictions take their course.
            He doesn’t really need them, he could go on without them. But he wants them. He craves them with all his heart. So he keeps them close to him and embraces them as part of his life. He barely gets by anyway, so why make his existence even more painful by trying to let go of the baggage that he intentionally packed and go on his own? There’s just no point in doing so. He got used to his habits and learned to love them, take them with him trough good and trough bad. Isn’t this what we all do, at one point or another?
            The sad part tough, is when he is forced to let go of one of them. When the real world just can’t help but tear away another small bit of John Doe and toss it away. From time to time, another piece of him has to go into oblivion, and that’s what slowly kills him. He doesn’t want to let it go, he never does, but sometimes he just doesn’t have a choice. He learns to get by without that piece, something from inside him wakes and fills the void that’s left, put it fills it with nothing. It’s just another shadow casted upon his soul, and the true him becomes smaller and smaller with every piece that falls off. He rarely finds something to replace the void, another addiction, but it’s never the same. How could it be? That lost him will never come back, and this alone is enough to make him bitter.
It’s like when you break a bone. Time heals it, but you can never quite get it back to the shape it used to be, no matter how hard you try. Not even with the same addiction. The worst part is, John most often gets addicted to the things he can’t hold on to. Like with Jane Doe. Even if je would try to get her back, it would most certainly never be the same as it was back then. He will probably never find another love to match the one he had for Jane. That’s why he never really got over it. The love is lost, but the addiction lingers, hurting him day by day. And she’s not the only thing he’s lost throughout time. So John Doe lives his life in a constant state of loathing and bitterness. He is condemned to go day by day in withdrawal.