John Doe is an addict. He has so many little habits, some
worse than the others, he can’t even think of going a day without. It’s not
such a big deal if you think about it. We all have a thing or another that we
assume we could never get along without, or simply don’t bother to. They become
part of our every day life and it’s almost impossible to give up on the small
things that create roots deep inside our daily routine.
But it’s a
bit different with John. He’s figured out a whole new meaning for addiction. He
tends to do that quite often, creating personal interpretations to well known
concepts. It’s just another way of enriching his personal reality, the one in
which no one and nothing can interfere. For him an addiction is not a bad
thing. It’s not like he couldn’t survive without this or that. But that’s the
point. He could only survive. These addictions become a part of his life, a
part of who he is, and he doesn’t want to give up on who he is. He wants to
live, even if only inside his self-made reality and living means letting addictions
take their course.
He doesn’t
really need them, he could go on without them. But he wants them. He craves
them with all his heart. So he keeps them close to him and embraces them as part
of his life. He barely gets by anyway, so why make his existence even more
painful by trying to let go of the baggage that he intentionally packed and go
on his own? There’s just no point in doing so. He got used to his habits and
learned to love them, take them with him trough good and trough bad. Isn’t this
what we all do, at one point or another?
The sad part
tough, is when he is forced to let go of one of them. When the real world just can’t
help but tear away another small bit of John Doe and toss it away. From time to
time, another piece of him has to go into oblivion, and that’s what slowly
kills him. He doesn’t want to let it go, he never does, but sometimes he just
doesn’t have a choice. He learns to get by without that piece, something from
inside him wakes and fills the void that’s left, put it fills it with nothing.
It’s just another shadow casted upon his soul, and the true him becomes smaller
and smaller with every piece that falls off. He rarely finds something to
replace the void, another addiction, but it’s never the same. How could it be?
That lost him will never come back, and this alone is enough to make him
bitter.
It’s like when you break a bone.
Time heals it, but you can never quite get it back to the shape it used to be,
no matter how hard you try. Not even with the same addiction. The worst part
is, John most often gets addicted to the things he can’t hold on to. Like with
Jane Doe. Even if je would try to get her back, it would most certainly never
be the same as it was back then. He will probably never find another love to
match the one he had for Jane. That’s why he never really got over it. The love
is lost, but the addiction lingers, hurting him day by day. And she’s not the
only thing he’s lost throughout time. So John Doe lives his life in a constant
state of loathing and bitterness. He is condemned to go day by day in
withdrawal.
