Monday, 6 January 2014

Johns utter happiness

                Yeah, happiness, what a cool concept right? Everybody wants it and everybody claims he's happy. Some even say that others make them happy. Big fucking liars. In this idiotic world the only one that fights for your happiness is you, only you and no one else but you. You must stand your ground and take a swing back at life every time it tries to knock you down, because in the end nobody else can do it for you.
                And that brings us to our stupid little John. Probably the only idiot out there that still puts his twisted ideals above his happiness. The only one fucked up enough to care more for others than for himself, to play with his own feelings just so he doesn't hurt the feelings of others. For a person that doesn't give a fuck about other people's opinion, he sure does put a lot of effort into trying to please everybody and be as politically correct as humanly possible.
                How noble, one may think, what an amazing sacrifice for the sake of others. Wrong! So Goddamn wrong. By doing this John is, in fact, the most selfish person anyone could ever meet in a lifetime. He pleases everybody to keep his options open, he avoids other people's pain so he can keep it all to himself, he feeds from other's right to misery. Deep inside his twisted mind, he knows that no one is really happy, he knows that this mad world fucks us all at one point or another. But he tries his best to keep others happy, or at least to see others happy. This way, his misery is what defines him, it's his own little thing, the only thing that reality can't screw up even more. It's his own special thing. By feeling a lonesome sufferer, John feels special. So fucking special.

                But he's not. The extraordinary John Doe is just another loser in a twisted world, an idiot with a bad case of hypocrisy and a load of self-loath in his brain. Just another closed-up thought in another twisted mind. He could've died a thousand times till now, and that's the only thing that could ever make him special. The only extraordinary thing about him. John Doe won't fucking die. He just won't let go, he keeps himself alive, feeding from other people's happiness and nurturing himself with sadness.  He hides from his happiness like a vampire hides from the sunlight, he just won't quit. All he would have to do would be to let himself catch fire and burn in an explosion of joy. But no. John Doe is a stubborn little fuck, and as said before, it seems that he's bound to survive in this world forever more.

Sunday, 5 January 2014

John the dreamer

                Sleep is the best. John loves sleep, from the bottom of his soul. It's probably the best way to escape this fucked up world, and if there were ever a way to sleep through all this mess, John would be the first to try it. When he sleeps, he escapes the world, he escapes his world, and at the same time he escapes his mind. Because when his mind becomes darker than the night, there is no place too far from it where he'd rather be. And sleep, the simplest thing in the world, offers the easiest solution. What better escape from everything than a good old complete shutdown of the brain, what better place to hide from a shitstorm than Johns subconscious.
                And the best part, the most beautiful part about sleeping are, of course, dreams. John is a dreamer, an idealist, and the only place where something could go right for him is of course in his sleep. With every dream comes another world and all he has to do when things go bad is to wake up. Just like that, everything goes away and he's free to sleep himself back to another reality, a better reality. Nothing is real in his dreams, so nothing can hurt John, no scars nor bruises when he wakes up, no problems to solve, no situations to be dealt with. Just complete and utter freedom of thought and imagination.
                But wait, just wait. Because the real world, as usual, has to step in and screw everything out. Because that's what it does, this twisted reality in which the entire planet cohabitates. It screws with Johns plans, it breaks his world, breaches the walls of his dreams and pulls him out to face the reality of how fucked up he really is. Because everything that goes right in his dreams, goes wrong in his reality, and even worse in the real world. And the worst part, of course, is that you can't wake up from reality.

                The only thing you can do, the only thing John can do is go back to sleep. Escape one nap at a time, one small universe after another, shattered one by one by the sound of an alarm clock louder than a bomb and built again the next night, until there will be no more clock, and no more time, and Johns sleep will be eternal. But we all know that this won't happen too soon, because this little fucker, John by his name, is meant to walk this earth forever and drown forever in his mind of which we've talked over and over till now.