Saturday, 16 February 2013

John's incapability

                Next comes nothing. John Doe is still down, with not much hope of getting up. Stuck on the surface, barely floating, praying for a miracle. A miracle that will probably never come. He's missed his chance, he blew it away like he always does. A chance came, another after, but as always, he dismissed them without hesitation. He didn't even realize he did it. He never does. His intentions are always good, but somehow he shoots himself in the foot with any given opportunity. If only he would have the courage of being so kind as to aim for the heart for a chance. But he's too much of coward for that.
                John has many, let's call them attributes because they not really are flaws, but you definitely can't call them qualities either. One of them, one of the biggest ones is, of course, hypocrisy. It's ironically one of the things he despises most in this world. But he can't help it, he is by his nature a hypocrite. Not by choice, of course, but it's not something he tries to change either. Truth be told, he's not changing anything. That's partly because he doesn't believe in changes, not when it comes to people. People never change, they just unravel new sides of their character as they move along trough life.
                That aside, let's get back to the hypocrite . John Doe. that is. You see, John had to choose to go on. life forced him into it. The only problem is, he's got no idea how to do it. He hits his head to a wall whenever he tries to get up. And that wall is his hypocrisy. He says he wants to meet people, go places, but when a chance presents itself, he does his best to alienate it as soon and as efficient as possible. He walks away from new people, he takes the long but familiar way home. He does his utmost best not to wander off too far from his comfort zone, and that's the thing that's ruining him the most. The same old friends, the same old places, the same old life. The past lives in his present so vividly that he sometimes thinks he's remembering, when he's actually living in the moment. The boundaries between the present and the past are faded. But there's no "déjà vu" in it. It couldn't be. Because he has burned all the bridges, broke all connections with his past. And when he realizes that, it's when he breaks the spell and gets back in the moment.
                The sad part is, when he gets back in the moment, he realizes that the moment is nothing, the moment is empty. When the dream is gone, when the past becomes past once again, that's when John tries to evade, to get on with it. And then he hits another wall. This time it's his power of will. The lack of it, to be more specific. He's a coward. He's so terrified at the thought of something working out for him that he tries very hard to sabotage any attempt of escape from the comfort zone. His zone. He tries to push himself, but he unconsciously screws up every time. He lies to himself on a daily basis, telling himself that from now on things will be different, but in reality, he does nothing to even try and make them better. He hates the place he's at, but deep down he doesn't want to leave. And that's why he has no will. The only things he seems able to hold on to are bad habits. He needs help, and he sure as hell can't help himself. So, if you see John on the street, remember to help him, for what is worth. And if you don't, and you'll probably never will, just try and pray for him, to whatever entity you might think our world is governed by. Feel sorry for John Doe, because he can never feel sorry for himself.

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