John the vain

            Never make decisions when angry. It’s just an advice, listen to it, don’t listen to it, it doesn’t make much difference to anyone, but to John Doe it almost did. It almost made a huge difference. There aren’t any good decisions or bad decisions, John doesn’t believe in that. There are, however good times and bat times for making decisions and choosing new paths. Anger is one of the bad times. People could get hurt, and it’s not worth it when you can avoid casualties simply by postponing a decision. John Doe knows this so very well, because he almost died by the cause of an anger fueled decision.

            It was a close one too. For a brief moment, killing John Doe seemed like the right thing to do, the normal thing to do. Well, it turns out it isn’t. John Doe must live, however hard and painful it might be, his existence must never end for good, he can only die if he’s prepared to resurrect from its own ashes, ant this wasn’t the case. If John had died now, he would have died for good. Thank whoever you might want that it didn’t happen. John Doe shall continue to exist, the world doesn’t have the chance to get rid of him just yet.

            We should take a look at the reasons for John’s death wish tough. Well, you might say it was all a big misunderstanding of his actions and emotions, or better yet the lack of them. John Doe has had his share of sorrow and misery, and he is now slowly drifting away in his sea of resent and self loathing, and sometimes, that’s just not good enough. From time to time, he should struggle a little, just to prove that he’s still out there, to show that he didn’t drown yet. Instead, he chooses to live redundantly and soak in a painful monotony, and this near death experience should wake him up and make him realize he has to change something.

            None the less, it’s John Doe’s ego that’s hurting him. It’s stopping him from making any decisions at all, it just numbs him, makes him unresponsive to everything that’s going on around him. And it’s stronger now than it ever was before. John has been hurt before, he has let down his ego, threw himself into the unknown, hoping for the best and expecting the worst. It’s easy to assume that he got what he expected. And his ego, much like a mythical beast, grew stronger after every hit. The saying “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” may not apply to people, but it very well does describe what happened to John’s ego. It has now reached unimaginable proportions, and it threatens to take him down.

            Basically it all returns to decision making. Everything about John Doe is based on actions and reactions, on decisions and consequences. And that’s exactly what scares him the most. That’s the reason his ego grew so big, the fear of consequences is what’s feeding it and it’s hurting John’s existence. But he keeps learning from his mistakes, and hopefully, it won’t be long until John Doe will start all over, regaining his ability to consider choices and decide in his own name. And then, he will embrace the consequences, lifting himself above all egos and trying to reach his ideals once again, losing his fear of the unknown.

            Long live John Doe.