John's repentance

Choosing a penance

The light of day
burns
and the darkness of night
scares
and there is nothing one can do
to escape them both.

You must choose your penance
but choose wisely because
sometimes
the pain is bigger than the dismay
and it's better to feed
your horror
rather than damage
yourself

Another time John thought he was a poet

Unfinished

Unfinished poems

Filled with giant feelings

In words too small

Which don't describe

By half the whole

Weave of emotions

From the innocent soul

Of a child too small.

Kidnapped from his dragon filled world

And thrown to waste

In a dark reality

Paved with shards

Of blood and altered life.

Forever more twisted

And always left unfinished.

Likewise the words, the dreams

And the futile desires...

John's sunrise conviction

                She was the kind of girl that leaves a man with only one of two choices. You either fall madly in love with her or you hate her for everything that she is. John chose the third. He knew where it would all end up and he finished it before it even started. After all, no harm no foul is always the safest way of dealing with these kind of things.

                To be honest, she offered him the thing he craves the most in this whole damn world. A chance to die. To die and revive himself, become something new, something else. And that's all he wishes, to become something else, because now he is nothing and it hurts like hell. But he politely refused it. He never even knew that he would be capable of refusing such an opportunity. And yet he did it. And he sure doesn't regret it. He resents it a bit, but not the slightest trace of regret. Now, we could go on and on all over again about John's lack of faith in regret, but we won't because we already did it and it's irrelevant in this matter. You must still admit though that this whole refuse doesn't make sense. John never does. Nothing ever does.

                We're drifting from the subject though aren't we? Like always the talk about John becomes about bullshit. But bullshit is always the subject in matter when it comes to John Doe. He's all about meaningless talks and useless concepts with his crappy point of view about life and love and everything in the universe and beyond. And that's a bit harsh but we can afford to talk shit about John because he never talks shit about anyone. That's just not him.

                But the girl. Where does that leave us with the girl? He lived and died a thousand times and did it all over again in his head with her or without her. He weighed all the possible scenarios and outcomes of his death in that moment and ended up numbly refusing the sentence. And so she just becomes yet another excuse, another bullet to dodge. She remains forever pure to the world and a cold hearted murderer only to John and his twisted imagination.

                The killer who never bothered to pull the actual trigger...